i remember a time not so many years ago i was doing things i wouldn't dream of to put food on the table and pay the rent, some of those things were honest and some not as. I was what i said i would never be or buy into a 'struggling artist'. no amount of positive thinking you create your own reality blah blah was helping. i lived desperate, it overcame me. my nightmare? a giant apple seeking to devour me. and it was. yes i was acting, my chosen art form, but for free or for very low wage nothing that would support life. my hard learned reality was no matter how close you are to the playwrite he WILL dump you to get produced. EVERY TIME. its a jungle and its about survival so i cant hate...easy though to loose yourself and your values in that jungle. easy to loose focus and get confused cuz your ass is hungry and not just for food.
today? well i'm ok. i was sick yesterday so i couldn't get it together to think about or express the extent of my thankfulness, my gratefulness. i'm not where i would like to be in life true. im oh so very late... but i work honest. i didn't rob, kill or compromise my values to put my humble meal on the table. I KNOW ME now. i can afford the luxury of my artified self (for now anyway). i can build and grow. i am thankful for this to things seen and unseen, to the dead and the living.
everyday is not sunshine, loli-pops and rainbows but its a day i know where my head is at, a road map i'm happy to own.
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