Saturday, September 26, 2009
this will shake the weak of heart
the other night i walked a friend off the edge. in my mind he stood in a place of personal power which is why we feel so lost and powerless when someone completes this mission..in my opinion. he spoke of lack of love, particularly mothers love and the love of his children. he said his cell never rang so he made a practice of not bringing it. he felt a lack of accomplishment in his life and hated his job. he shared his notes left with strategic precision around his room. in these notes he echoed the theme of feeling as a piece of shit, of no value, loved by none, no one. as he spoke i looked around at his dark basement apartment and wished there were windows or even white walls,something to reflect light. i thought of the name of a friends just released album, 'gods porno' and his explanation of redemption in the dirty the insignificant the pornographic,the shit. i held him and kissed his face and rubbed his chest in hopes of reminding him of his beating heart. i looked into his eyes and told him i loved him and would miss him in his absence. i claim success only in that i stalled a mission...this time. yet.. i believe in self ownership and self determination. i respect my friend and his right to excercise his personal power.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I don't know how I feel
I'm sitting in my favorite little get away from work spot eating a very satisfying bowl of seafood soup with a side of sticky rice. It's one of those inbetween days. It no longer feels like summer, not really fall.suppose to rain but sky not ready. Me.. Not happy or sad, not alone but by myself. Almost content after having a reckless night....breaking a fast that had nothing to do with food. Smiling in memory of a dear dead friends words, "live" . This I think is a life time lesson.
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